Ice Crown Citadel – Week 1 Recap

This started out far far less ranty than what follows, but I have had an absolutely shitty first week in the new patch, and I am still pretty pissed.  So here are my guidelines for how to make raiding during the first week of a new content patch seriously unfcuking enjoyable:

(True story)

1.  When Blizzard releases new content, have one person in your raid group run all of the new heroic dungeons to unlock the new raid instance, before the rest of your raiders can even get home from work on patch day.  Players don’t like 5-mans, or new content, and they especially don’t like new 5-man content, so do them a favor and do the short attunement chain for them.

2.  If you have planned to run the new heroics on patch day, don’t put anything on the calendar and then invite your raiders to do the new 10-man raid instance as soon as they log on.  Players love it when the plan changes with no warning.  They also love the chance to be running the new raid instance on a patch day, when there are multiple disconnects, server crashes, bugged instances, unplayable UIs, etc.

3.  Schedule a 25-man raid for the day after the patch drops, when servers are more stable and UIs aren’t so broken, and then cancel it without telling anyone.  If possible, post the cancellation in the guild message of the day, not on the calendar, and say that it’s due to server instability issues when there don’t seem to be any.  Players in raiding guilds don’t actually like to raid, especially new content that might be fresh and challenging, so if you have scheduled such a raid, make up fake reason and post it in a really obscure location. 

4.  During the alleged server instability, have the guild’s other 10-man team run the new raid instance.  Players totally get the fact that the 10 and 25 man servers are different, and that the instability affecting the 25 man raid servers completely did not affect the 10-man servers.

5.  If you are the RL of one of your guild’s 10-man teams, wait until they have logged off, then go run the new 10-man instance with your guild’s other 10-man group.  Players want their RL to succeed above all else, and are happy to sacrifice their progression so that you can get through the content. 

6.  Don’t tell more than two of the other members of your 10-man team that you already cleared the new instance.  Players hate to pug raids, and letting them know that the RL blew his raid ID with the other 10-man squad would just force them to pug, making them unhappy.  So just don’t tell them. 

7.  Even if asked, don’t post anything on the calendar about raids later in the week.  Players don’t really mean it when they say that we need to get calendar events posted so people know when to show up and what raids we are doing.  Players love hitting progression content with undergeared guildies that haven’t played for the last 6 months in lieu of their regular 10-man team.  Players also don’t like having the same people to raid with consistently, especially when those people are comparably skilled and geared.

8.  When players realize that the RL has blown his raid ID for the new 10-man raid with the guild’s other 10-man group, offer to lead them through old content, or offer to bring your undergeared alt to the new raid.  Players enjoy running instances that provide little challenge and no loot rewards, despite the fact that they have been running those instances for weeks on end.

9.  If you are in the guild’s other 10-man team, by all fcuking means, invite the other group’s RL to your 10-man raid.  Players understand that your team is far more important than the other, and actually appreciate it when you cherry pick players from the other 10-man, especially someone as inconsequential as the fcuking raid leader. 

10.  And lastly, have a bad internet connection, so you can miss all the pleasant commentary that comes your way when the rest of your 10-man team discovers all your wonderful efforts.  Players don’t really like to communicate or deal with their feelings, so best if your internet connection can cause you to miss all of the choice words they have for you.

God I hope that week two is an improvement over week one.



1 comment so far

  1. BobTurkey on

    Not bad. Needs more angry though 😉

    Sounds like you had a fcuked up start to the patch 😦

    Gobble gobble.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: